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Pakistani satire on beef frenzy: 'Quota for two cows in Indian cricket team'

BT Online     April 6, 2017

A satire piece published in Pakistani newspaper 'Dawn' takes a dig at the frenzy over beef in India, saying the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) will select two cows in the Indian cricket team.

"The government of Prime Minister Narendra Modi has asked the Indian cricket board, the BCCI, to select at least two cows in the country's cricket team," the article jests.

The article mocks that "the quota system will first be implemented in cricket and then extended to other sports".

It also makes a veiled reference to Uttar Pradesh where new chief minister Yogi Adityanath recently banned illegal slaughterhouses.

"The BCCI has set up a training and trial camp in Uttar Pradesh (UP) for the cows so that they could be selected to play for India in the forthcoming Champions Trophy in England," the article says.

Here's an excerpt from the piece:

The government has appreciated the initiative. It has advised the Muslim players to take up yoga and reflect on the number of promising fast and spin bowling cows and talented 'batscows' they might have eaten.

Meanwhile, the cricket team's chief selector Venkatana Rasimha Rajuvaripe Dharampal Rao (aka Jim) told reporters that the selected cows are expected to perform well in England due to grassy grounds there.

Hailing Rao's assessment, Minister of Sports Kodhanda Pattabi Sundar Sita Ram (aka Tim) said, "Yum."

Talking to media personnel at the site of the training camp, Rao explained, "Cricket was first invented by cows in ancient India millions of years ago … along with football, hockey, baseball, basketball and nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners."

Hailing Rao's assessment, the Minister of Sports said, "Yo, mama!"

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