All in a day's work

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It's accrual world

"Where do you get a drink on Excel?" "Formula bar!"

"My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities." "I said, "That's great. I have a serious drinking opportunity."

Boss: How can we keep the office clean? Me: By staying at home.

You are as useless as the 'ueue' in the spelling of 'queue'.

Me: The salary doesn't even remotely match the effort I put into my work.

Boss: I know, but we can't let you starve to death.

"Why is that I always catch you goofing off?" "That's easy! It's because you walk so quietly."

I've never been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.

"Who sells products cheaper? Is it the distributor or the manufacturer?" " The storehouse guard."

How many marketers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - they've automated it!