'Every morning I feel I'll have...': 36-year-old NRI techie in US for 8 years wants to quit, return to India

He goes to movie theatres alone on weekends, not for the films, but just to be around people for a few hours. That detail, buried in a Reddit post by a 36-year-old NRI software engineer, says more about his state of mind than anything else he wrote.

The man, who has lived in the United States for eight years and works at a Fortune 50 tech company, posted on Reddit that he is seriously considering resigning and returning to India. He cannot handle the stress anymore. He is on blood pressure medication and antidepressants. And he is done.

"Every morning when starting the day I feel like I'll end up having a stroke," he wrote.

The full picture

The techie came to the US in 2013 for his master's degree, which took seven years to complete. He found a job on graduating and has stayed at the same company since, now with around seven years of experience, five of them in the US. A Senior Software Engineer by title, he has spent most of his career doing front-end UI development.

That specialisation, he now fears, makes him particularly vulnerable. "The state where AI is at now, front end devs will be the first to get cut," he wrote, noting that layoffs have already begun at his company.

The workplace, he said, turned toxic last year, driven by an aggressive AI push, extreme pressure and office politics. His company has an India division, but a transfer could take months and may not even be approved. And having watched offshore colleagues work until 2 or 3 am every day to meet management-imposed deadlines, he is not convinced it would be any different there.

"I am no longer interested in the work or even in these crazy hours. I'm just DONE."

Loneliness at the core

What comes through most clearly in the post is not professional burnout but something older and more personal. He was sent to a different city for school early in life, and has largely been alone since, through his bachelor's degree, early work experience in India and then eight years in the US.

"At this point, I just don't have the strength to be alone anymore while constantly fighting the stress at work," he wrote.

His parents are supportive and encouraging him to return. His finances are manageable, some savings in the US, no significant debt, no dependents. He said he is open to lower-paying jobs in India if they come with better work-life balance. He is also considering an MBA for a pivot away from tech entirely.

His one hesitation: age. "My only doubt is, because of my age. I don't know if I'll find opportunities in India now."

What Reddit said

The post drew a wave of responses, ranging from practical to pointed.

"Returning is not a bad idea at all. Since you mentioned you are taking high BP medications, just curious, do you do any exercise? I personally have benefited a lot from exercising, it helped me feel better. Also, please try to find a job with a better work-life balance. If you are willing to accept lower pay, that is usually not too difficult," wrote one user.

Another said they were in a similar position: "I am slightly older to you but I am planning to return back as well. My main problem is having a toxic manager who loves micromanaging me and demotivating me all the time. Trying to find a job internally or externally to keep me occupied after the initial move and then will decide next course of action."

A third offered a more direct perspective: "You have a lot of things that many others would give up anything for — relatively young, a job, financial independence, no debts, in the US and in tech, supportive family. Coast along at work till they fire you, meanwhile apply elsewhere and get a change of scene, invest in and make some friends, get out to the gym get fit and reduce stress. Returning is easy but will have its own challenges you may or may not deal with well. Make the best of what you have going for you, lighten up."