'Parents compare schools, kids compare themselves': Gurugram CEO on how expensive schools can shape children’s money comparisons

Indian parents should not stretch their finances to send their children to expensive schools, according to Jasveer Singh, co-founder and CEO of KnotDating.

In a post on X, Singh argued that choosing a school based on how much a family can afford can sometimes leave children feeling financially inadequate when they compare themselves with their classmates.

“Indian parents, don’t send your kids to a rich school if you’re not rich. Don’t stretch your finances just to put your child into the most expensive school you can possibly afford. The right school is not necessarily the richest school,” Singh wrote.

Parents compare schools, children compare themselves

Singh said parents often compare schools based on fees, infrastructure and facilities, while children tend to compare themselves with other children around them.

“Parents compare schools. Kids compare themselves with other kids. That’s the part parents completely miss,” he said.

Singh explained that a parent may feel they have given their child more than they could afford, while the child may see the same situation differently.

“The parent thinks, I gave my child more than I could afford. The child thinks, My parents gave me less than everyone around me. Both can experience the exact same childhood and remember it completely differently,” he wrote.

From cars to clothes and school trips

Singh said this comparison can extend beyond school fees to everyday things such as cars, clothes, food and social activities.

“Now imagine those kids are being picked up in BMWs and your child is being picked up in a Maruti. Your child may tell you - ‘Papa, don't bring the car to the school gate, park a little further away I'll walk there’”

“Why? Because he doesn't want his classmates to see him getting into a Maruti. He doesn't want them to think, ‘His father doesn't have money.’”

Singh said a child may not have felt embarrassed about their family's car or lifestyle before joining a school where classmates have visibly more expensive things.

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“Before entering that school, the child may never have considered his father’s Maruti embarrassing.”

He said children also notice smaller, everyday differences.

“Children don’t compare only expensive things. They compare tiny visible signals every day: lunch box, shoes, birthday parties, pocket money, school trips, bags, phones, after-school activities.”

When children start making excuses

According to Singh, children may not directly tell their parents that they cannot afford something. Instead, they may avoid situations where they feel different from their classmates.

“Your child doesn’t necessarily say - My parents can’t afford this, He says I don’t want to go. I don’t like that restaurant or I already ate. I don’t want to come to the birthday party.”

He said this can lead to children hiding their financial situation and making excuses.

“The hiding becomes excuse-making, child feels inferior.”

Singh argued that parents may mistake this behaviour for introversion without considering the financial pressure the child could be experiencing.

“The parent may think the child is becoming introverted. In reality, the child may simply be protecting himself from situations he cannot afford.”

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Education is not about school fees

Singh concluded by saying that the value of education should not be measured only by fees or facilities.

“Education is not about school fees or fancy infrastructure. It’s about building confidence, exploring yourself and uplifting yourself.”