'I cried my heart out': Sonia Gandhi opens up about losing her first child with Rajiv Gandhi

Sonia Gandhi has opened up about one of the most painful chapters of her life, recalling the death of her first child with her husband, Rajiv Gandhi in January 1969. In her memoir, Belonging: A Journey of Love, published by HarperCollins, Gandhi recounts the emotional turmoil that followed the premature birth and death of their baby boy, as reported by PTI.

The tragedy came after a pregnancy that had brought immense happiness to the Gandhi family. According to Gandhi, Indira Gandhi was overjoyed upon learning that her daughter-in-law was expecting, embracing her and exclaiming, “One big baby having another baby!”

Gandhi delivered a boy on January 18, 1969, nearly two months before her expected date. She recalled hearing his first cry as he was placed in an incubator before seeing him with Rajiv.

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“I heard the baby's first cry as he was placed in the incubator. Later, Rajiv took me to see him, a tiny, perfectly formed boy, with thick, black hair and long, slim fingers. We gazed at him together, Rajiv's arm around my shoulder. We fell in love with him immediately,” she wrote.

However, the family's happiness was short-lived. The baby died at around 6.30 am the following morning. Gandhi described how she and Rajiv struggled to cope with the devastating news.

“Both of us were shocked and heartbroken; we held each other tight. I cried my heart out, and Rajiv, despite his 'stiff upper lip' upbringing, also wept copiously,” she recalled.

Indira Gandhi, who was away on an official tour, returned to the hospital after learning about the loss and spent time consoling the couple.

The family subsequently faced the difficult question of the baby's last rites. Gandhi was deeply distressed by the suggestion that the newborn should be released into a river, fearing the child would be left vulnerable.

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“No matter what, I'm not going to allow our baby to be thrown into the river,” she wrote, describing her emotional response.

The family eventually decided to bury the child at Feroze Gandhi's farmhouse in Mehrauli. Rajiv and his brother Sanjay carried out the burial beneath a pink bougainvillaea bush. Gandhi recalled that the family would place flowers at the spot during subsequent visits.

The loss left her feeling depressed, inadequate and guilty. The pain was compounded by a cruel political attack targeting the family, which further deepened her grief.